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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676888">The one I choose.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/7SabSantos53/pseuds/7SabSantos53'>7SabSantos53</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>#bughead, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:35:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,248</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/7SabSantos53/pseuds/7SabSantos53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"If I still love you a little? I love you much more than when we broke up. I love much more than when I saw you again for the first time after seven years. And tomorrow I will love you much more than today."</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>Betty and Jughead have a serious conversation about their feelings, basically because Riverdale hates dialogue and I don't think it will happen on the show.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Betty Cooper &amp; Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper/Jughead Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The one I choose.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just for the record: this is not what I WANT to happen, because honestly at this point I can't think of anything I wanted to happen to Bughead. The only acceptable thing would be to rewrite the fifth season where B*rchie did not happen. But it is happening, and the writers will not know how to deal with it. In the end, the two fandons, both BA and BH will end the season frustrated, just wait and see. (You guys from the BH family who are really still watching the show, what does it feel like to be tortured? Because I just follow on tumblr and I already feel bad.) I would find it acceptable to see Betty tell Jug that as much as she had already fallen in love with Archie, that was not even a little bit compared to what she feels for Jug, but I'm sure that we won't get a scene like this. So I started to go through how beautiful it could be for Betty to say this to Jug, and when I realized, I was already writing this here, so I hope you like it. For me some things here are OOC, but nothing makes sense in Riverdale, so whatever. It will have a bit of anguish, but I think the ending is happy enough.<br/>As always, I want to remember that English is not my first language, so any mistake in writing I plead guilty. <br/>Without further ado, because the chapter is already big enough, I hope you have fun reading this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alone at Blue &amp; Gold, Betty thought to herself that she should have predicted that Jug would quit the case, things had already been too tense between them for weeks. It all started when weeks before Jughead had found out about her and Archie. They were not yet investigating together. In fact, they weren't even talking.</p>
<p>It happened one night that he had come home after his shift at Pop's and found her in the kitchen. It was a strange moment, to say the least. She was wearing Archie's shirt and had no idea that he was already coming home, otherwise she would be gone. Or rather, she wouldn't have even gone there. She was only there because she thought his shift was going to last all night. She and Archie had agreed to keep the whole situation as a secret. Or rather, he suggested, she agreed. Betty had also noticed that Archie had a tendency to keep things in secret when he didn't want to deal with them.  She honestly didn't care whether they told others or not. She really didn't think it was going to hurt Jughead. And to be honest, she hadn't even thought about Veronica. When she finally stopped to think about it, she had to admit that she should have considered whether it could have hurt Jughead or Veronica. But Jughead was keeping distance from everyone and she was sure he didn't feel anything for her anymore. And Veronica was married. And Betty was broken, and she only thought about the desire she felt. And how good it was to forget absolutely everything else and not worry about anything beyond that moment. And she didn't want to stop. It was good to be with Archie. It was free of feelings and feelings it was something she didn't want to deal with at the time. So she continued to sleep with Archie. And continued. And continued. </p>
<p>But that night that Jug saw her in the kitchen at Archie's house, wearing only his shirt, the look of pain she received was enough for her to realize how far she had gone. And that perhaps Jughead did care about what she was doing with her life, much more than he showed. His look of pain disappeared absurdly quickly, it was like he was already used to disguising so much suffering that he didn't even have to try harder to do it. It was the first time it crossed her mind that maybe he really was used to it. Of course, she knew how much he had suffered in childhood and adolescence. But she hadn't thought about how much he could have suffered as an adult, she didn't like to think of him suffering, she chose to believe that he was fine. She remained paralyzed in the kitchen for several minutes after he recovered from the surprise and walked right past her to his room after mumbling an almost inaudible 'good night'. She replied in an even lower voice, although at that moment their whispers were deafening. After being paralyzed in the kitchen long enough to start feeling stupid, she just went back to her own home. But she didn't sleep at all for the rest of the night. The sadness in the eyes that dominated her dreams all these years was quick, but enough for her to know that she would be haunted by that look for the rest of her life. </p>
<p>After that night things with Archie didn't last long. Everything started to get too complicated. Gradually all that excitement disappeared. It stopped being fun. And she never intended to make it serious, she didn't want to be in a relationship with him. It had been a long time since she had even been able to imagine herself in a serious relationship with Archie, all she wanted was to have fun and forget about her own problems. After a few weeks, it was no longer fun. Finally, it all ended as suddenly as it had started. At first, they didn't talk about it, but when they did, there was no doubt that they didn't want to continue. They were good as friends. And only as friends. They didn't work as more than that and more importantly, they didn't want more than that. Neither spoke out loud, but both knew that even as friends they had not been working for years, even before they left Riverdale. She noticed that Archie soon started to approach Veronica again and that he didn't seem to like her husband. Perhaps she was not the only one to be haunted by the love she had ruined on her own. Or maybe Archie just couldn't be alone. Something made her sure that this was what Jughead would say after laughing sarcastically if he saw Archie approaching Veronica. Hell, the way he was perceptive, he had already figured it out and that was probably exactly what he was thinking. But she would give the redhead a little credit and choose to believe the first option. </p>
<p>They threw a party about two weeks later, and at that party she saw Jughead with Veronica. Not that it was a big deal, they were just talking. Well, talking and laughing with each other, something she had never seen happen. It wouldn't be a big deal yet, if they hadn't just disappeared after a while. In that moment she hated herself for the jealousy she felt. Days later, the only thing she had changed was that the pang of jealousy had become greater.  She was angry. She knew she shouldn't, but she was. Angry at him for staying away from everyone. Angry at Veronica for not leaving that ridiculous marriage and just being with Archie, since they both clearly wanted it.  Angered that Jughead and Veronica had sex at the party and acted like it was nothing, but before that they had clearly been upset with her and Archie for doing the same. Even more angry because in fact she wasn’t even sure if that had really happened. Maybe her mind was just having fun torturing her by making her believe it. Angry at herself for being angry about these things when she had so much more to worry about. And she was sad. Sad because she knew Jughead was sad. Sad because she was increasingly sure that something very bad had happened to him and she had no idea what it was. Sad because Veronica was in a horrible marriage. Sad because TBK was still on the loose and killing people. Sad because Polly was still missing. Sad because the twins kept asking about their mother. Sad because she had no one to talk to about the two horrible weeks she had lived. That was what her days were all about: anger, sadness and then anger and sadness again.</p>
<p>She came to believe that maybe they would be able to act normally close to each other when they started investigating together. It happened so naturally. A mention she made while they were in the teachers' room about what she was investigating and how it looked like a dead end. A theory that he considered when he saw one of the clues and that she had not even thought about. An astute smile that made her feel like he was thinking the same thing that her: 'holy shit, we're really the best when we're together for something'. Suddenly they were meeting every day to investigate. They had even recreated their murder board on Blue &amp; Gold. She wondered if he felt as happy as she did whenever they gathered there to investigate together. And then she wondered if, like her, he felt stupid for being happy about it. After days of investigating late after work (she always started to see the evidence earlier, because he had to run between two jobs, three if you count the book in process, before going to help) they started to lose patience. Not with the case, the two loved to investigate, but with each other. They tried to pretend they weren't tired of acting like strangers who were just investigating together and nothing else, but one day they were both exhausted, stressed and things got out of control. The next day, if you asked how the fight started, she wouldn't even be able to remember. But they had been cruel to each other. Horrible things were screamed until she saw him just get tired and go.  Maybe it all happened because it was easier for both of them to shout saying that the other didn't even know what it was doing than to talk about everything that was really bothering them. At least she certainly preferred to pretend she was just angry because he was taking too long to read the murderer file for the thousandth time than to admit the truth. The truth involved talking about their breakup seven years earlier. It involved talking about her and Archie. It involved admitting to Jughead that she loved him and how much she missed him. It involved saying that she had been jealous of him. In other words, it was easier to complain about something related to the case they were investigating. </p>
<p>So, after all these weeks of tension and a stupid and unnecessary fight, when Betty saw herself alone in the Blue &amp; Gold she was not surprised that Jughead dropped the case. She didn't even blame him for doing it. Actually she was almost grateful that he didn't show up. It would keep them from having to deal with the fight the day before. But only almost. Because a part of her was still looking all night at his side of the table and missing when years ago the hours together there were the best part of their day. As much as she tried to focus, that first night when he didn't show up, she was unable to progress at all in the investigation. </p>
<p>The next day Betty started to worry. When she went to Pop's to get breakfast and didn't see Jughead there, she was surprised and she didn't even need to say anything, because Thabita asked her if Betty had news about Jughead. It was the first warning sign that something was wrong, Jughead would not miss work without giving a reason. Initially she tried not to freak out and just called and texted him. When in the afternoon he had not responded or returned and also did not show up for the class he had, she lost control. First she asked Archie and found out that he hadn't spent the last few nights at his house, so he didn't know if Jughead had been there. He said that with that expression he always did when he tried to apologize for something that he didn't really regret but wanted to make the other person believe so. Only hours later did she stop to think that maybe he thought her angry look was because she realized he was already sleeping with someone else, when in fact she hadn't even thought about it. In fact her anger (also unfair, if she was going to be honest) was that he wasn't there, and that if he had, he could have helped Jughead. And about the person Archie wanted to have sex with, well, she couldn't care less. If she was going to be angry with the universe it would be because the love of her life disappeared when she hadn’t even found her sister, who was also missing yet, not for whatever that Archie was doing with his life.</p>
<p>Finding Jughead was not easy. Especially having to split the time between working and looking for clues about his disappearance while continuing to investigate Polly's disappearance as well. She went so far as to make his ex-girlfriend (whom she found out about while investigating everything she could about the last years of Jughead's life) go to Riverdale. She had reached that level of despair. And in fact she had liked Jess. Again she felt a twinge of jealousy while spending time with her, but she ignored it by telling herself that at that moment it was more important to find Jughead than to regret not being with him. To miss him she would have the rest of her life, so better spend that time trying to find him. </p>
<p>Jess told some interesting things. She said that Jughead was in financial trouble, that he spent a good time drinking more than he should and that he was being pressured to write another book as soon as possible. She also said that she didn't know that he had moved from New York back to Riverdale because they had broken up before that happened. Betty tried not to feel guilty for not realizing any of this, but with each thing Jess told, the more it became impossible not to blame herself for not asking anything. And to top it off Jess even said that she knew that something very bad had happened to Jughead before she started dating him, but that it was something he never spoke to anyone. Betty felt as if she had just taken the mercy stroke, after all she had fought and survived, her death would be to know that Jughead faced a hell of pain (whatever that pain was) alone. She hoped he had someone to help him, she practically begged heaven that he wasn't alone when whatever broke him inside happened.  </p>
<p>It took a few days, required a lot of investigation, and she was sure she had broken some laws, but she found Jughead. He didn't want to talk about what had happened or how he had been captured, and as horrible as it was to admit, it made her angry at him. It wasn't like he was an asshole, he thanked her a lot, he said she saved him. He even told the police about what had happened. One of the agents went up to her and praised her saying that Jughead had said that no one would have been as smart as she was to find him. The problem was that after that he started acting as if nothing had happened. He returned to Riverdale, returned to work, and returned to assist her in her investigations. It just seemed like nothing had happened, and it was making her angry. Damn, she had spent days worried about him and sad thinking about what was so bad that could have happened to him, and he was just acting like everything was perfect. As much as she tried to ignore all of this, she knew it was going to explode, and an evil part of her hoped he was around to have to deal with it when it happened. </p>
<p>When it finally happened, it started in the most stupid way possible. She could tell by his look at the evidence on the table that he was connecting clues and starting to suspect something, but when she asked what he was thinking he said it was nothing. She lost her mind. She had dealt with murderers, kidnappings and more, but all he had to say was 'no big deal' and she lost her mind. </p>
<p>Before she knew it, she was already responding with sarcasm:<br/>— Of course, hide it from me too, I don't even know why I'm still surprised.<br/>His answer came quickly and hit her hard:<br/>— Look who's talking, I missed all the times where you talk about your life instead of ignoring all of your problems by fucking? <br/>— Low Jughead, very low. This has nothing to do with you hiding some theory about an investigation that is MINE.<br/>— Don't be a coward Betty, six-year-olds would know that it's impossible for you to be so upset because I didn't tell you a suspicion. Why don't you just stop run from things and start being honest?<br/>— In the same way that you were honest about the real reason you stayed in Riverdale? <br/>— What did you want me to do? Did I ever hide that I was working three different jobs? Nobody works three different jobs because they love not even having time to breathe, Betty. Don't blame me for you being too "busy" to not be able to reason something so logical. If I didn't know how smart, intelligent and intuitive you are, I would ask myself how the fuck you got an internship at the FBI if you didn't even have seen such logical evidence.<br/>— Great, blame me for being frustrated for not being responsible enough and losted all your money even though you published a book that was an damn success. Throwing shit on others won't make you look less fucking stupid. <br/>— Woah, and am I the one fighting dirty? You don't even know what happened. Your attempt to appear superior to me has not yet changed the fact that you like to solve everyone's problems just so you don't have to deal with yourself. Just out of curiosity: is that why you like to investigate so much? To be able to take care of other people's lives and forget that you don't like yours? <br/>— Do I take care of other people's problems? I wasn't the one who exposed other people's lives for money and success, right? You say I run away from myself, but you hate yourself so much that you do the exact same thing. Are you sure everything you said was for me? Or do you pretend it is for me because you are too fucking cowardly to admit that you are talking about yourself? <br/>— Am I the coward? Or don't you want to admit that you don't like to see me doing exactly what you've always done to me: lying and hiding things? It's not so much fun when you're the fucking clown in the story, is it?<br/>— Oh yeah. Talk about something that happened seven years ago, since at that time you were too much of a coward to have this conversation, throw it in my face now.<br/>— Wanna talk about it? Great, here it is: you talk about cowardice Betty, but you were the one who besides cheating, lied. You try to say that I need to talk about things, but you are like a thief who says it is wrong to steal: every time you tell me I need to be honest, it makes you more and more hypocritical. Because between us, the first liar was you. <br/>— It's not how I remember the story, since you were the one who lied to me and almost threw your future away. And I'm starting to think that throwing the future away is the only thing you can do right. Clearly, it didn't take you long to do it again.<br/>— Because your life is so goddamn perfect that you're here, in a town that doesn't even exist anymore, investigating with someone who doesn't know how to do anything right except to ruin his own life, right? This coming from the girl who managed to go from the little town darling to... What? Nothing at all, it is very hypocritical. Not that I should be surprised, as I said, that's how you are.  <br/>— Just STOP. Oh my God, stop, stop. — As much as she tried to avoid it, the last word gasped when she started to cry. </p>
<p>She had no idea how many minutes passed. Perhaps years had passed while she and Jughead were still there, looking at each other as they tried to stop crying. After what seemed like an eternity, he seemed to recover and said:<br/>— I'm sorry, Betty. I didn't want to hurt you, I lost my mind and said a lot of shit without thinking. <br/>— Are you sure, Jug? Don't you feel like I'm a hypocrite? A liar? Because I couldn't blame you for feeling that way. I did all of that with you, I'm aware of that. <br/>— You are not a hypocrite I just... We never talked about what happened and I kept sad for too long, so I said a lot of things that I don't feel. <br/>— I don't think I've ever really apologized to you for that. I never told you how much I regretted what happened, so maybe you had the right to think I was a hypocrite. <br/>— No, I don't. You made a mistake. That passed, I have no right to seven years later still blame you for it. I can't act like you're still that person. Or like you're frozen in the girl who once made the wrong decision. I know you regret it, you don't have to tell me that. That passed, I was just sad. I really thought we could be together forever. But we were teenagers, I think every teen who falls in love thinks that. <br/>— So is there anything you wanted to talk about? Because at that time we just didn't even talk about it, Jug.<br/>— There's nothing to talk about, Betty. I felt like it was the second option, like you were just waiting for an opportunity to be with him. It was not the first time that I felt this way. It clearly wouldn't be the last time either, but that's okay, because I just want you to be happy. I will always be happy for you as long as you are happy.  <br/>— Just to be clear, you were never a second option, I loved you with all my heart. — His smile was extremely painful when he replied: <br/>— Yeah, okay. </p>
<p>For a moment she didn't even know how to respond. It had been easier to endure his offenses than to see him doubting that she loved him. This was apparently the only thing she refused to accept that he believed. <br/>— When... When did you feel that way for the first time, Jug? — She started. <br/>— You don't... We don't have to do this, Betty. It's all right. Let's get back to work, it's late. It is past midnight and we still haven't made progress, let's go to work.<br/>— No, you were right when you said that I run away from things like a coward. But you have also done that. Let's stop being cowards together, let's talk about it. — He took a long time to speak, she even thought he wasn't even going to do it, but finally she heard him:<br/>— I was eight years old. It was the first time I was sure I liked the girl with the pink dresses and ponytail. I mean, it was a very childish thing, I don't know what my definition of 'like' was at that time. But I already knew that I would rather be with you than anyone else. And I also knew that you would rather be with him than anyone else, so it was the first time I felt this way. In my house it was never possible to feel chosen, everyone just tolerated themselves. But realizing that you wouldn't choose to be with me if he was around hurt more than that. <br/>— Jug, I…<br/>— No, now I started and I will finish. And then we'll never talk about it again. I think we were about twelve when the second time happened. But I don't remember the situation. When we were fifteen, it was even clearer that you liked him, and I thought he was an idiot for not being with you. Well, I still think he's an idiot, but it looks like he started seeing things. I remember thinking 'yeah, she's definitely going to marry him some day. They will have perfect children and live in a damn house on the north side. The house will even have the fucking white fence.' In case you haven't noticed YET, I was a weird teenager. No one was concerned who the girls they liked were going to get married, because they just wanted to hook up with someone. But I was thinking that I would have to watch you walk in a fucking white dress to him at the altar. That if I was invited. But then one day you asked me to write for the school paper and find out who murdered Jason Blossom. Jason Blossom, like all the other perfect boys on the north side, loved to make me a joke and take away my peace, so I couldn't care less who killed him. But you cared. And you wanted ME to help you. I mean, how could I resist? The day I kissed you for the first time, I was sure that I had reached the height of my earthly happiness. I don't know how I got up the courage for that, I was sure you didn't like me that way. But as I said, you were there, adorable, damn beautiful and I was already completely in love with you, so how could I resist? And you didn't push me away. You kissed me back. I was sure I was dreaming. I had dreamed of you so many times, surely I could only be dreaming again. But the days passed, and you still wanted to be with me. All I could think about was: Holy. Fucking. Shit. Just being able to think of three words was extremely worrying for someone who wanted to be a writer. For weeks I really believed that maybe I was no longer a second option, maybe you would choose me. I always hated my birthdays, but the one you did for me was one of the ones I hated most in life. I think it only loses to my 9th birthday when I had to hear my parents fight at 1 a.m while trying to get JB, who was four at the time, to go back to sleep. And for my twenty-second birthday, but we're not going to talk about it at all. You wanted me to have a party and to have FUN at it. All of this on my birthday, the day of the year that I hated the most. It was just impossible. But do you know who was loving everything? Archie. It was inevitable to think: 'you see, it is for reasons like this that in the end, it is with him that she will stay.' That was when I felt like a second choice again. But at the end of the day, you still wanted to be with me. Suddenly, the worst day of the year was being the worst and the best at the same time. You always did that to me Betty, you made me not even know if I had loved or hated my damn birthday. That's when I really believed that you would be with me forever. It was also when I first thought: 'fuck, I love this girl'. When you sent Archie to break up with me, I was sure it wouldn't be long before you guys were together, I thought it was just a distraction again. But we came back to each other. And then I was stupid and broke up with you. And we go back to each other again. Do you remember our first time? Forget what I said about our first kiss. That day I was sure there was no way things could get any better. There was no way my life could get any better. I had you, I was approaching my father and my little sister, although she was far away, but we always talked, I was loving being a Serpent and you and I would be together forever. I just couldn't be happier than that. It was impossible. Not even the kiss between you and Archie while we were apart changed that. Because I was sure you wanted to be with me, and I really believed that for a long time. I didn't feel insecure again until you and Archie pretended to be dating, maybe my mistake was suggesting it. I found myself wondering if maybe you didn't want him again. In the end, I was right. It took three years, Betty, but you proved that I was right about being a distraction. And after that, it took another seven years, but you proved again that I was right. I never wanted so badly to be wrong about something. And I had already suspected that my father was a murderer. Even then I didn't want so much to be  wrong. But anyway, he and Veronica are together again, right? I know they are keeping it a secret until her divorce process ends. Or maybe it's just because he loves to keep things in secret. He should have been a secret agent instead of a sergeant. I hope you haven't been hurt, I know it hurts not to feel chosen and I would never want you to feel that way. </p>
<p>Betty thought she would never recover from everything Jughead said. But after a few minutes she starts laughing. And laughing even louder. When she saw Jughead's questioning look, she said:<br/>— I don't care about that, Jughead. Archie and I were not together. We were just having fun. It was never a big deal.<br/>— Sorry Betts, after having felt for so many years that you two would end up together, it becomes difficult to believe that. — She knew he didn't even realize he called her 'Betts', but her stupid heart sped up anyway.<br/>— Listen to me, Juggie. And listen to me carefully, I will only speak once. I could stay here and say I didn't want to do any of that, but I think it would be a lie. The truth is, I liked him a lot before we dated. And the truth is that I once made a mistake while I was with you because I was unsure for ONE MOMENT. And when I came home certain that you didn't love me anymore, it was nice to be with him. I loved Archie. Not now, not how I loved him before I was with you. But it was still good to be with him. I wanted him, I think I really wanted him. Still, not even close to how much I loved you. Not even close to how I STILL love you. And even less than how much I will ALWAYS love you. He was a fantasy, a childhood crush, someone I had feelings for and now these feelings are over. You are the fucking love of my life, damn it. THAT is not over. And it won't end. You're the one I want to spend my whole life with. Someone that regardless of what happens to me I will still love. The one I still regret having spoiled the chance to still be with. The one who doesn't matter how much time passes, I will still think: 'if I could do something different, that would make me be with him today, I would do it.' The one I will think of when someone talks about true and lasting love, even if we are not together. People fall in love more than once Jug, it happens. I fell in love with him and I'm not in love with him anymore. I'm in love with you. I love you. I want you. I think of you. I choose you. It is you and will continue to be you. And believe me, because I've been in love temporarily before, and I know that's not what I feel for you, that's how I know it won't change, that it will last and that it will always be YOU. I thought of you all these years. I dreamed of you and those damn eyes for seven years. I mean, not just with your eyes. But it was they who always haunted me the most. You were the one I was looking forward to seeing when I got back to Riverdale. I was afraid of never seeing YOU again, that's what I felt. Years ago I made a mistake and I lost you. Time passed and I never thought you would forgive me for it, I tried to move on, I tried to fall in love with other people. It doesn't change the fact that I continued to love you. You may not forgive me, you may not want me. But I will not continue to blame me forever for us not being together. I made a mistake and you chose not to forgive me. I can't change that. If I could, I would change. But controlling your decisions is not an option, and even if it were, to be honest I couldn't use it, I can't do this. Going back in time and changing what I did is also not an option. But you also can't blame me for what happened while I was trying to move on even though I loved you. You CAN blame me for making mistakes years ago, you can blame me for hurting you. But you can't blame me for thinking that I wouldn't hurt, since I really believed that you just didn't want to be with me anymore. What happened while we weren't together are things you can't blame me for, nor can I blame you for the things you did. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for years ago for breaking your trust and your heart. I'm sorry for continuing to run away from the conversation that I knew we needed to have. I'm sorry for hurting you again now and making you feel like a second option, a distraction. You are not, and you never were those things to me. For these things, you have complete reason to blame me and I apologize for that. But you can't stand there talking and acting like I never loved you, like I'm not going to love you forever. I swore to you that I would do that, that I would never stop loving you, and I didn't lie, Jughead.<br/>— Betts, I…<br/>— Shut the hell up Juggie, please. I'm not done. You said how you felt, well, it's my turn. When I was a kid, I was in love with Archie, I never noticed that you felt that way about me. When I called you to investigate Jason Blossom's murder with me, I was feeling alone. I needed to have something to think about. And then, everything changed. My whole fucking damn life changed when you agreed.  You showed me the difference between falling in love and LOVING someone. The day you went up to my window and kissed me, you made me think: 'screw the prince charming. The prince would have made me throw my hair down for him to go up and that would have hurt like hell, shit. I don't want the fucking stupid prince. I want a villain who goes up the stairs that I don't even know where he got it from, walks in the window, kisses me and tells me about suspected murders. The prince can go fuck himself.' And if the other girls knew the advantages, they would also choose the villain with a beanie and a gang jacket. Okay, I didn't think 'the prince can go fuck himself.' I was too nice for that. When you put your arms around me for the first time at school, when you gave me your hand for the first time and when you hugged me for the first time, on all these occasions I felt like in a damn fairytale. When we first fought, Jug, I felt a part of me breaking. I don't even want to talk about the times we broke up, it hurt like hell. When you met my dark side and loved me anyway, I was sure that I had met the prince, Romeo, the villain, the poet and probably the damn king in the same person. Wait, are there poets in fairytales? —<br/>Laughing, though with tears in his eyes he replied:<br/>— I honestly don't think so. <br/>— Well, there should be. Because my prince/villain/Romeo/king, was also a poet. Damn, he still is. I fell head over heels in love with you so unexpectedly it was like falling off a cliff, Jug. But instead of killing me, the fall gave me life. When I realized, it was too late. You were all over the place. You were already a part of me. I didn't even know where I ended and you started anymore. We were one. When we broke up seven years ago, half my heart was with you. In fact, I think my whole heart was with you because you are my heart. I don't know how to keep living around there without a heart. I mean, not even medicine knows, so I don't need to know. You can stay with me and give my heart back so I can live. Or I can go on living halfway around. <br/>— Betty I… I still feel…<br/>— Creeped out? Terrified? Wondering if we won't get hurt again? If I'm not going to hurt you again? There are no guarantees in life. I can guarantee you that I love you for the rest of my days, because I know I will do that whether we are together or not. The rest we will only find out if we try.  Is there any chance of loving me yet too? If only a little?  <br/>— Are you serious, my love? If I still love you a little? I love you much more than when we broke up. I love much more than when I saw you again for the first time after seven years. And tomorrow I will love you much more than today.<br/>— Do you think you can forgive me for the past? Or for the present? Can you love me, and love us together as if we were brand new? <br/>— Betty, what happened is over. I… I just  can't bear having to go through the pain of breaking up with you again. It would be too much to take. I thought I would die the last time.<br/>— I think the human heart is much stronger than we think. I mean, I'm not sure, because mine has been with you all these years, but I think we can take more pain than we think. We survive things that we think are impossible and then we get stronger than before. I think we're stronger, babe. I think we were young, immature and we didn't know how to deal with having found the love of our lives. And I think we both need to stop being cowards. I love you with my whole fucking heart, and I know that even though I'm not in my heart yet, you haven't returned it to me.  — He laughed, but he still hasn't said anything else. Then she continued: <br/>— I regret wasting seven years, but I don't want to lose any mo…<br/>— No. No regrets. We have a lot to talk about over these seven years and we will never achieve if we regret it. We got it wrong, we lived our lives, Betts. Now we will live with each other but we will not act like those years had not existed. I want to know how it was each day of those seven years of your life, I don't want to miss anything. So, no regrets. I'm tired of regrets. <br/>— Will I also earn each of your days in these seven years?<br/>— Some of them were extremely bad.<br/>— And I want to hear about it. I want to meet the person you have become over the years, and I need to know the bad things too. I went through some horrible things too, Jug. And I don't want to talk to anyone but you about it. <br/>— So we have an agreement. </p>
<p>They were silent for a while. Smiling at each other. Then they laughed loud for no reason. When they finally stopped, it was Jughead who spoke first:<br/>— Honestly, I still don't know how to do this. It looks like we were fighting five seconds ago and now I know that you still love me as much as I love you. How does someone act in a situation like this?  <br/>She smiled and approached him:<br/>— Well, I know something that for damn seven years I want to do, I don’t know if the right way to start over, but I won’t wait any longer, Romeo. — And then, on that Thursday, at 2:47 a.m, at Blue &amp; Gold, with Riverdale High completely empty, she kissed him again after seven years. And it was the height of their earthly happiness in their lives until that moment.   </p>
<p>She kissed him slowly, it was almost like it had been on their first kiss, but infinitely better. After a while he turned her over and pressed her against the wall. Despite the sudden movement, the kiss remained calm and slow. And they only stopped because they couldn't breathe anymore. But they didn't move away, and as soon as they caught their breath, they started kissing again. It looked like they were trying to make up for seven years in one kiss. One of his hands held her hand on the wall over both. The other kept walking her body. He started by holding her neck and then went down to her waist. Then he went up again and started to stroke her arm. Then he dropped his arm that was holding hers on the wall and wrapped his arms around her waist. She wrapped his neck and suddenly the kiss was much less calm than it had started. They were kissing in despair, it was as if none of them wanted to risk stopping and realizing that everything was just a good dream. They stayed that way for so long that she wouldn't be surprised if she found out that everyone else in the world had aged while they were still there, frozen in time. Only when she started to open the buttons on his shirt did he stop her. <br/>— Are you trying to erase all of our innocent memories of Blue &amp; Gold? — He asked smiling maliciously at her. <br/>— Not all of them are that innocent, because it wouldn't be the first time. —<br/>He laughed before he kissed her again, and as she returned her fingers to the buttons on his shirt, he led her over to the table.  When he lifted her up so she could sit at the table, as she had done so many times before, she didn't even think about the evidence spreading on the floor. She didn't care that they had a killer to catch. Or with anything else. She just knew that what she had dreamed of for years was happening. He was there, with her. So everything else could just wait. </p>
<p>The sun was already beginning to appear when they finally left the school building, holding hands and smiling at each other all the time. They looked like two teenagers stupidly in love again. They said goodbye with another kiss when they arrived on the street of their respective houses, only to meet less than an hour later and start another day. They had no idea of the things that still awaited them. They would still deal with many problems in the evil town, and they would still have serious conversations about the things they had faced over the years. But they would go through everything together and stronger than ever. In the end, they could always handle anything when they were together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading, I'm probably the most insecure person in the world when it comes to what I write, so if you liked it, let me know. Also, take care of yourself and be well. ❤️</p></blockquote></div></div>
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